the truce

dear spiders:

it has recently come to my attention that you may not understand our living agreement.

when we moved in, we created a barrier with the door to the haunted basement. we set a few traps at the top stair, weather stripped the bottom and vowed to never cross the boundary. it was not unlike the sonic fence in LOST.

since then, we have not disturbed your half of the house, save when jesse has popped down there to add salt to the water softener. an unbiased party would surely agree that your half of the home looks eerily like the basement in evil dead. yet, honoring the truce, we have left it undisturbed.

when your vagrant members have violated the agreement, we (jesse) have killed them. one by one. i don't mean to brag, but i do mean to emphasize the measures we will take to enforce the peace.

so, you can imagine how alarmed i have been over the last two weeks to find four of your clan's members in our territory, most notably the three i have found in the shower far too early in the morning.

i know that your calendar may have told you a few weeks ago that it is "spring," and you may feel entitled to roam about a bit (no doubt you have experienced cabin fever). but i drove in a blizzard to work today, so that argument simply will not stand.

in short, if you continue to violate the truce, i will sic my barely awake, irritated but lovingly brave husband on you. and he wields a mighty shoe.

offendedly yours,

boo

my hero

an incident from last night:

boo runs squealing from the bathroom

b: jesse! jesse! there is an earwig in the bathroom sink! kill it! kill it!
j: are you sure it's an earwig? it's probably just another beetle.
b: alright, well can you please go kill whatever just watched me use the bathroom?

jesse sets his book down, walks into the bathroom, and turns on the sink.

j (yells from bathroom): alright, i covered it with a glob of toothpaste so it couldn't get away. i'll take care of it.
b: toothpaste?
j: yeah, to hold it down so it couldn't fly away if it felt a little water, or heard the water, or sensed i was going to be turning the water on. i'm trying to just wash it down the drain.
b: really?
j: yeah. don't worry, it worked.

sink turns off. boo joins jesse in the bathroom to see him dumping mouthwash down the sink.

b: mouthwash? what are you doing?
j: what? it would really burn if it got all this mouthwash in its eyes. can you imagine how badly that would burn to get mouthwash in your eyes?
b: i think i see it crawling back out of the drain.
j: yep, i'll smash it. can you imagine how much faster it would have been if i hadn't blinded it with the mouth wash first?

thank you, honey, for always thinking up such elaborate schemes to keep me feeling safe.

i can't see why you'd want to live here

alright, i hate to use my blog as a forum for pure complaining (though my last post was also a rant of sorts...), but i am having a rough week. to be brief: i hate pocatello--aka blowsville. it seems that every day in pocatello is the beginning of another disappointment. here is the abridged list of my complaints:

there is no target.
the winco (my hopeful replacement of target) here is tiny and totally sucks.
i have no friends.
my sweet nephews are almost three hundred miles away, and they are getting bigger and learning new things all the time without me. the phone just isn't cutting it.
jesse is busy with school all the time.
i still don't have a job.
there are spiders EVERYWHERE (one crawled out from behind my oven yesterday while i was making dinner!).

i know that technically eastern idaho is my home, so this shouldn't be such an adjustment, but i am totally homesick.

i'm trying to remain positive--really, i am--but i am reaching my breaking point. before i go crazy and chop off all of my hair in an effort to cope (i have already tried to schedule an appointment, luckily my stylist isn't returning my phone call--AH! add that to my list of complaints), does anyone have any words of encouragement?

i'm only 30 days behind

this week is surprizingly light (which means that the upcoming weeks are most likely going to be certain death) in terms of schoolwork, so i decided it was finally time to fulfill my tagged obligations set in place by my dear friend ally flegal nearly a month ago. i was tagged by said dear friend to complete a survey about my husband. although this could be potentially embarrassing, i'll do anything these days to claim i have female friends, so here it is:

my husband

what is his name?
jesse arin jones (aka jonesy, honey, jester pester chicken molester--i didn't make that one up, you can credit his brother--or kitty)

how long have you been together?
it will be three years in march and a year of marriage coming up on november 18!

how long did you date?
we dated for approximately 1.8 years pre-marriage

how old is he?
jonesy is approximately 24.3 earth years

who eats more?
jonesy eats more in one sitting, but i constantly eat all day long, so it probably balances out.

who said i love you first?
jonesy. it was quite cruel, actually (but in a romantic way?).

who is taller?
HAHA seriously? that would be jesse by a long shot

who sings better?
well, jesse's voice warms my heart, but he is slightly tone deaf (not that i'm a regular britney spears or anything--i mean, i could never produce anything as brilliant as "gimme more")

who is smarter?
jonesy. in fact, i think he has been surprized by how unintelligent i can be at times since we have wed. luckily i bagged him before he caught on.

who does the laundry?
me. i love it. you would have to rip the (warm, deliciously fragrant) laundry out of my cold, lifeless hands.

who does the dishes?
usually jesse, but we try to share.

who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
i don't know what that means. jesse sleeps on the north side of the bed, and i sleep on the south side of the bed. also, our bed faces due west, if that helps.

who pays the bills?
that would again be me. i'm kind of a control freak.

who mows the lawn?
HAHA. again, seriously? who has a lawn at this point in their life (please don't answer if you do have one, because that would depress me). jesse is in charge of sweeping off our porch and killing all the spiders out there, does that count?

who cooks dinner?
usually mcdonalds. occassionally me. even less seldom jesse.

who drives when you are together?
whoever forgets to dibs out of it. which is usually me, but then jesse kindly retracts the dibs and allows me to ride shotgun like a true lady.

who is more stubborn?
i'm going to say jesse, because he keeps glancing at my work, insisting that i change my answers.

who is the first to admit when they're wrong?
well, i'm never wrong, so i guess jesse?

who kissed who[m] first?
tricky question. i refuse to answer (it was me, but it was a really long time ago--think 2002--and i was just out of high school, and jesse was really cute, and i had all those weird raging hormones they talk about in health class, and i was really confused about what was happening to my body, so i can't be held responsible for that (obviously). the second time we started dating, jesse kissed me first, so technically the answer should be jesse).

who asked who[m] out?
jesse asked me out. he's a gentleman.

who proposed?
that would be jonesy. however, i would be somewhat inaccurate if i didn't indicate that he certainly received a great amount of gentle prodding from yours truly.

who is more sensitive?
me me me me me me me me me me. why? what is this question implying?
also, jesse makes fun of me for crying at just about anything (church talks, queer eye for the straight guy, rory gilmore's high school graduation)

who has more friends?
i probably have more "friends" but jesse has more friends that actually spend time with him on a regular basis. i have cyber friends.

who has more siblings?
me. jonesy has but one. i have five.

who wears the pants in the family?
think of me in the right leg and jesse in the left. it's like a more advanced (and difficult) version of the three-legged race... but with two legs... well, four, but we're pretending to have two, ya know?

i would like to tag:
stephanie robertson, talia douglass, and angie rice