Mommy, "Wow! You're a big girl now?"

Author's note: Dad (that would be you, Bart), you don't want to read this. Trust me. There's nothing bad in here, but knowing your sensitivity to the mere mention of feminine products (code word: Rumplestiltskin), this post will be completely abhorrent to you.

There are tampons all over my house. Right now, there is an opened tampon on the desk next to me. There are a few wrappers at my feet. This is just a day in the life of a mom working from home with an incredibly active toddler left to do whatever keeps her from screaming and pulling at my shirt all day.

The tampon thing started innocently enough. Jesse and I were getting ready for the day at my parents' house, and Pen was curiously going through the drawers. Then she saw them. Brightly colored wrappers. Perfectly sized for her chubby fists. Plus daddy laughed when she showed him her new treasure. This is what 15-month-olds' dreams are made of.

One of the first things she discovered when we got back to our own home is that we have a much larger stash of these exciting items in our bathroom. And they are right where she can reach them! They are so easy to open, easy to cart around, and easy to stick in her mouth. I figured, "Well, what's the harm? I bought a lifetime supply at Costco, so it's not like a couple missing from the box will upset the balance of things."

But now I worry that her fascination may have reached a critical point. She wedged a box full of tampons into her diaper bag the other day. (Why? To share with others? To show all her friends that she is super mature? Because she is trying to be thoughtful for mommy?) And now you know that she really likes you if she kindly bestows you with one of the unwrapped gems.

Again, I worry I may not be preparing her for real-life social experiences. But they keep her occupied during a crazy part of the day, so I am willing to be a bit flexible on this whole "normal" social behavior.

I just ask that if you come to our house, please overlook the feminine products scattered about. And if some giggly little toddler hands you an unexpected tampon, I hope you know that it is a sign of affection. Unless you are my father. Then I just ask that you try not to let the experience scar you.

(But remember that you think she is really cute, too.)

Jones Family Finishing School

Today a cute boy came over to play with Penelope. She wasn't happy with me when she woke up from her nap, and he ran in to say hi while she was still groggy. There was much baby screeching and shameful chubby finger pointing in my direction. (What was I thinking letting a boy see her when she was so unkempt?!?)

After she calmed down, however, she became a total love-struck idiot. Honestly, you would think the girl had never seen another child before. I tried to use it as a good learning opportunity (it's never too early to learn how to interact). Lesson points for the afternoon:

• Don't just stare. Play it cool. Pick up a block or something.

• OK, talking is good, but nonstop excited yelling is not.

• Don't take things out of his mouth.

• Seriously, when he starts backing away from you uncomfortably, stop trying to stroke his face. (I have a personal experience with odd face-stroking on a date. It's never a good move.)

• It's not flattering to chase him around the apartment. When he hits a dead sprint, you may want to reconsider your approach.

Who knew how it took this much effort to teach social graces?

By the way, after he went home, she sat by the front door for a good ten minutes, staring at it, hoping he would return.