the truce

dear spiders:

it has recently come to my attention that you may not understand our living agreement.

when we moved in, we created a barrier with the door to the haunted basement. we set a few traps at the top stair, weather stripped the bottom and vowed to never cross the boundary. it was not unlike the sonic fence in LOST.

since then, we have not disturbed your half of the house, save when jesse has popped down there to add salt to the water softener. an unbiased party would surely agree that your half of the home looks eerily like the basement in evil dead. yet, honoring the truce, we have left it undisturbed.

when your vagrant members have violated the agreement, we (jesse) have killed them. one by one. i don't mean to brag, but i do mean to emphasize the measures we will take to enforce the peace.

so, you can imagine how alarmed i have been over the last two weeks to find four of your clan's members in our territory, most notably the three i have found in the shower far too early in the morning.

i know that your calendar may have told you a few weeks ago that it is "spring," and you may feel entitled to roam about a bit (no doubt you have experienced cabin fever). but i drove in a blizzard to work today, so that argument simply will not stand.

in short, if you continue to violate the truce, i will sic my barely awake, irritated but lovingly brave husband on you. and he wields a mighty shoe.

offendedly yours,

boo