Maturation, or something like it

So, I like to think we've been doing some growing up lately. And not just Penelope, though she has hit some milestones. What's that? You're DYING to hear all about them? OK, well, if you're going to force me.

She has started enunciating her baby language. She forms actual syllables, and we can now officially claim to have heard her say "dada" and "mama," though she certainly didn't say them in any particular context. (Except for mama. Obviously she says that with more love than you could fathom.) She has figured out how to feed herself the little baby snacks. And she's only choked on one -- and I didn't completely pee my pants when it happened. She seems to process when we're frustrated or upset with her, and it makes me rethink my knee-jerk response to a lot of things.

She got her first balloon. Had we let her, I'm pretty sure she would have taken it to bed with her and lovingly stroked it all night à la Gollum and The Precious.

She also got her first glamour shot taken. It makes me want to die. In a great way.

It just seems like every day she gets exponentially older, more intelligent, more curious, more talented, more entertaining, and I just want to eat every moment up.

But, as I mentioned, this post isn't about her. It's mostly about me. Me trying to start some family traditions. Like family photos, even when I feel chubby chubby chubby. I know I will want to look back and see what our little family was like, and how genuinely happy we were even though we had little more than each other. Probably because we had little more than each other.

We're trying to make grown up decisions, like waiting to buy a house until it's the right time for us. Even though we want one so badly, and the market is right, and technically we probably could pull it off -- though it would cause so much stress financially -- yadda, yadda, yadda. We decided to follow the counsel that sometimes saying I love you is saying "we can't afford it."

I'm letting go. I've decided to stop blaming my frustration and shortcomings on others for things that happened aeons ago. I'm forgiving. I'm focusing inward. I don't like everything I see there, but it's getting better.

And you know what I'm learning in all of this growing up I'm trying to do? Sometimes growing up really sucks.

But I know I'm a better person for it. I know my marriage is stronger for it. And I know I'll be a better mother for it. And right now, that's better than anything. Even a house (she said reassuringly to herself). Yes, even a house.

i know, i know

i'm not a great blogger. the posts are becoming increasingly less frequent and interesting.

you just have to accept that.

but i feel you might take pity on me for some of the following reasons:

• i am working full time these days. and it is awful. luckily, i have a very attractive live-in nanny. (i don't want to get too descriptive, but i think he might kiss me if i play my cards right.)
• penelope is getting over her first sickness. this is terrible in itself, but even worse knowing that jesse is the one taking care of her all day while i am at work. at the height of the illness, i came home at lunch for some hardcore snuggling. she cried until i gave her back to jesse. i might have cried a little on my way back to work.
• we are moving to boise next weekend (hooray!)
• we are moving next weekend (ugh... packing...)
• i am throwing a bridal shower for the sweetest libby in the whole wide world (hooray!)
• i am throwing a bridal shower the same weekend i am moving (ugh... what was i thinking? last time i checked, i do make my own social schedule.)
• i am changing my work location (see boise note) and cutting my hours, but still retaining about the same work load. i will be overwhelmed, but now i will only overwhelmed for five hours a day at work, and the rest of the time at home with the little one.

isn't this just how life seems to go? busy, busy, busy. i am seriously craving a nap. and some downtime with emily dickinson.

p.s. did i mention it has been snowing here? SNOWING in late may. at this rate, this little girl is going to outgrow all her summer clothes before the sun comes out.

you'll be relieved to know

my body has been slowly bouncing back. don't get me wrong, i still have quite a bit of pregnancy weight to go, but my feet and face have returned to normal size. i'm quite glad as i had nearly forgotten what my ankles looked like.

the easter bunny did, in fact, visit our home. sure, we don't have space for anything in this house, but he somehow managed to squeeze his fluffy behind into the house to deliver penny's goods. however, the easter bunny was much lazier this year than i remember, because he brought the whole family's goodies in one basket. (i guess he didn't want to go digging through boxes in the basement to find everyone's basket...)

but don't worry. the little one was quite content to just play with her own bunny on easter morning.

we even got a photo of penelope enjoying easter ham in her easter dress with her easter papa.

should you need to take nail polish out of your mom's carpet after you indulge yourself with a home-grown pedicure during general conference, i have the answer: shaving cream. i kid you not. it worked like a charm. however, perhaps the best way to ensure your carpets are nail-polish-free is to check the lid of the bottle before moving it, thereby preventing spills in the first place. you know, the best defense is a good offense.

(see above foot photo for reference on the color of aforementioned nail polish)

penelope was blessed in church last week. i have tried to write about seven posts about that wonderful experience, but they have all been a bit too personal/emotional. i mean, with a little face and spirit this beautiful in our home, can you really blame me for getting choked up? so, i will try to keep the wonderful feelings from that day in a more private place and share a photo instead.

i am going back to work in eight days. if you are, in fact, relieved to know this, please let me know how we can somehow swap our emotions. at first, i was thrilled to have something to do every day and a reason to shower regularly. but now that i have considered the fact that penelope will be going somewhere else, and i will be missing every detail of her life, i am terrified and anxiety-ridden at the thought of work. how does one cope with this?

until i figure it out, i'll be relieved that i have such a blissful life for today.