maternal ramblings: volume I

my mom always told me that being a mother is the best way to learn charity. since she is an expert on this mothering business, i knew she was on to something. but for some reason, i blocked out the "learn" portion of this statement, and assumed that charity just comes innately the moment a baby is born.

penelope's delivery was actually better than i had expected. i spent so much time psyching myself out over the terror of a c-section that i had made it out to be much worse than it was. sure, being paralyzed, mostly naked and strapped to a table in a room full of strangers is a bit unsettling. but as soon as jesse got to come into the room with me, it was one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. (this was the first of a million times i have asked myself how in the world some people do this on their own.) i will never forget the doctor's remarks during the surgery "wow, that is a lot of hair." "that is a really big baby." "how big of an incision do you think you need to make to get a baby that big out? AS BIG AS I JUST MADE IT!" (i imagine he was mentally high-fiving and chest-bumping his surgical team during the final comment.)

when i saw penelope's little face, i started laughing and crying at the same time. and the weirdest thing? i snorted. twice. i never snort. i have never felt so overwhelmed with joy in my life.

and while overall the experience has been 90 percent bliss, it's been difficult. people tried to warn me that the first few weeks of having a baby are hard. and i (mostly) believed them. but i had no clue.

none.

so far, i spend much of my time at home feeling like my life is oddly akin to groundhog day. the same thing over and over again. maddening. exhausting. desperately searching for some kind of relief. a combination of constant feedings, diaper changings, need to rest and recover and nearly total isolation (in an attempt to avoid exposing the baby to the joy of RSV season) isn't always a flattering fit for me. i have been known to devolve into what jesse and i refer to as "that crazy lady" that takes over my body.

luckily, i have received such thoughtfulness from other people. meals, visits, phone calls, gifts. it's been unreal. my dear sister even spent an entire afternoon in my bed with me after i passed out and was instructed by the husband that i wouldn't be going anywhere that day.

these acts of charity have begun to show me what it means to be a mother. selfless, patient and loving to no end. the selfless and patient part are still slow coming. but when i look at this little thing, the loving portion is completely effortless.

here's to working toward the rest of the combination.

some resolutions

with the impending arrival of the little one, i have spent a good deal of time pondering what kind of mother/wife/homemaker (i used to hate that word, but now i kind of like the idea of "making" home) i will be.

during my ten-day break from work, i have had some time to try on different roles.

after learning that the little one is getting big ahead of schedule (something the doctors had kept telling me would happen but i kept pretending might not happen), i frantically set into "nesting" mode. as the husband and i cleaned out space for the baby's dresser and frantically tried to do all necessary preparations (geez louise, she's probably coming early, but it's not tomorrow), i felt like a question and answer segment out of the terribly cheesy what to expect when you're expecting.

after being disgustingly pampered with a luxurious christmas, wonderful baby shower, and pedicure (thanks, daddy!), i couldn't help but feel like one of those women who regularly takes the time to take care of herself.

as i spent most of yesterday on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor (why did i not do this before i was eight months pregnant?) i couldn't help but feel a closeness with those hardworking, under-appreciated women of the 1950s. barefoot and pregnant, i even made dinner.

as i embroidered a burp cloth while watching lost in austen (which really is as terrible and guilty a pleasure as you could imagine a story about a pride & prejudice fan having a door between her bathroom and the novel could be), i felt a sense of connection to the women doing their needlework.

and as i punched my husband in the arm for the 275th time this week for making a comment about how the baby is getting my tiny legs and huge belly, i felt like myself.

and you know what? this year i resolve to be myself more often. it's really a refreshing pace.

i also resolve to take more pictures.

happy 2010, everyone.

another year over, a new one just begun

it seems i get mushy about my husband fairly regularly on here lately, but i feel justified today. three years ago, the dashing jesse jones (unwittingly) married awkward little me. i am still shocked and thrilled about it. the last three years have been the most wonderful adventure of my life. i can't wait for the next three (and the three after that).

jesse: i'll eat you up, i love you so.

warning: random babbling

here are some things i have learned lately:

maternity pants are not all hideous. they are not all flattering. but they are so comfortable. i should have done this years ago.

peanut butter captain crunch cereal is absolutely delicious.

if you are four months pregnant, and you wear your old clothes to the gym, sometimes your belly sticks out when you move rapidly. and that is, apparently, not attractive.

sometimes ten-year-olds in primary will answer a question about preparing to share the gospel with the statement "yeah, but all my friends are mormon, so this doesn't really apply to me." well, i guess that's one approach.

six-day work weeks are not very much fun. thank heavens for a day of rest.

life isn't perfect, but sometimes i forget about the amazing compensation the lord has given me. i hope ya know that i have learned it is so true. (and i hope you will watch the video about it)

at the end of a six-day work week, you might get a letter from one of your sweet, ten-year-old primary children telling you how excited they are that you're having a baby. and it might make you a little emotional.

i should have never found this web site.

BEST OF ALL: my bff is coming home this weekend. (i can't wait!)

and there is one thing i will learn in three weeks:

whether this little critter taking up more space in my body is a boy or girl. i have my suspicions. (but we are so excited either way.)

you'd better believe it

two amazing grandparents celebrating their 80th year of life.

plus eight children joining the celebration

and more than 30 proud grandchildren (this little girl included) along for the ride.

add spouses and great-grandchildren.

spread over five days of jam-packed fun.

you've got one great reunion on your hands. i can't wait.

the question of mani-pedis on a warm wednesday evening

(can you tell that headlines are not my strength?)

once, around eighth grade, my entire family decided to get a pedicure for a family outing. i am nearly certain this was my dad's attempt at bonding with his daughters. i mostly remember it as the day dad got pink toenails and another human being actually touched cameron's feet. she will undoubtedly get a special section of cloud in heaven.

but that was my only experience with professional nail grooming. it struck me today, as i listened to a co-worker disgustedly tell me she hadn't had a manicure-pedicure (or, as someone in the know would call it, a mani-pedi) in almost a month, that i've never had a mani-pedi.

now, don't pity me for this. in my mind, it seems like a waste of income to have your nails professional trimmed twice a month (or however often you actually do it). but i do imagine it to be a wonderfully luxurious experience. rejuvenating. relaxing. absolutely girly.

so then i had to ask myself: what do i do in lieu of the infamous mani-pedi that maintains all of those needs?

well, i bought some FABULOUS fabric on clearance this weekend, but i have no idea what i will do with it. that is typical. i suppose that means that crafting of all sorts is out. i go to church, and though this is rejuvenating, i spent all of this sunday feeling like i was going to hyperventilate (can you say three callings, anyone?). so i guess that isn't quite the equivalent of the mani-pedi as i imagine it.

and then i remembered that i have weekly lunches with this little thing. and she makes me laugh. hard.

and i also get to have some great heart-to-hearts with this lovely lady (who is going on the same trip to england that i went on five years ago. but she is going as faculty! can you believe it?).

and do you want to guess how i feel after all of this? if you answered

rejuvenated. 

relaxed. 

absolutely girly. 

totally blessed.

you win five points.

he-said-she-said

"We change, whether we like it or not" ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

he said it looks like this...

but it really looks like this...

i said it looks like this...

but it really looks like this...

she said it looks like this

he said it looks like this...

i said it looks like this...

but it really looks like this...

scatter sunshine

a few things brightening my life lately:

tax refunds


potential trip/cruise to spend said refund


swimsuit shopping for said trip (online, of course. no one likes trying on swimsuits). i'm particularly liking these ones:

going to nyc with my mom and little sis in five short weeks

french eclectic style (click here to find out what your style is--thanks, Diane!)






learning a little more every day about trusting God's plan for me (and learning patience when it's not my plan).

oh, and did i mention fridays off?

in fact, i'm feeling so sunny that i've almost forgotten that my brand-new jeans split right in the crotch in the middle of my workday yesterday...

viva la vida

there's a hill on my way home every day. i'd estimate it's about fifteen blocks from the freeway exit to my street. if fate is on my side, i can put my car in neutral when i exit the freeway, weave between traffic, hit the only stop light and coast all the way to 10th Ave. when it happens, it is absolutely exhilarating and the perfect ending to my commute.

that happened to me yesterday.

alright, here's where i try to force a metaphor between this and my life (be ye warned).

i love when i have days like that. i wake up early, my hair looks good, i like something i wrote at work, i go to the gym, the sun is still up when i get home from work, jesse miraculously has no tests/quizzes/homework due the next day, perhaps an episode of LOST is on (did anyone watch tonight's episode? DUDE). it's wonderful.

today wasn't one of those days. it wasn't a bad day, mind you. more things went right than wrong, but i was tired. on my way home, i made it about seven blocks, anticipating my only obstacle: the red light. i slowly pushed the brake, thinking that if i spaced it out enough i could still make it--even if i made the turn at five miles per hour. when i finally stopped at the light, i realized i had a choice. i could either accept this as defeat, or i could decide to make the most of it.

when the light turned green, i decided to give myself a boost and accelerated for one block. i still coasted several blocks before i turned. and you know what? it still felt pretty good. so today i have decided that i still prefer when the stars all align, but it's alright to push a couple of them around if necessary.


and, because i never have pictures, feast your eyes on these handsome boys (and me).

part-time parenting

so, i feel that i am blogging with my head hung in shame today. like so many of you, i resolved this year to be better at blogging. after all, it is the only real record i regularly keep of my little life. however, the days slowly melted into weeks, and now i feel a bit odd posting as nothing worthy of report has happened (obviously, or there would have been a blog).

luckily, i had a small encounter today that will be today's brief entry. i had the honor and privilege of speaking to some of my favorite people in the world on the telephone, my two wonderful nephews heath and wade.

the conversations were quite simple ("hey boo! i'm playing batman games! will you be a part of my birthday this year? when will you come to my house? yeah, because they look pretty cool." "daddy! banana! baby charlie!")

and it made me miss them even more than i already do. i know, i know. they're not my children. and many people find it freakish that i so obsessively follow their every move. but i really really love these varmints. sometimes, jesse and i will start a conversation on anything--say dish towels--and it always leads to a line like "hey, remember that one time that wade ate that dish towel and he made that one face? oh man, that was hilarious." and then we spend about ten minutes reminiscing on all the intelligent, hilarious, and sweet things that these boys whip out to melt my heart.

now, i have to be fair and state that i have so many wonderful nephews (seven) and nieces (two) that i love ridiculously, but jil has let me claim her sons as my own, and i do so willingly--heart wide open and maternal instincts firmly gripping these little ones down.

today i have spent some time thanking my heavenly father for letting me have such an amazing relationship with these boys while i have struggled with wanting some little ones of my own for quite some time.

they may not be our kids, but we sure love the kibbles and bits out of them.

somebody got time to blog

and they got a new camera
and they had a great christmas
and they have a handsome new nephew
and they got an entire week off of work to play with family






but i can't tell you who. that just wouldn't be fun.

so this is christmas... and other updates

my, my. time flies when you are having fun. and, trust me, plenty of fun has been had in these parts.

i wish i had some photos to accompany this post, but i regretfully lack them. perhaps, if someone somewhere had room in his super kind heart to get me a new camera for christmas (i won't name names, but you know who you are) that could be remedied.

just to list some cool items of late:

a visit to benihana -- aka asian hooters (minus the nagasakis)
a stay in downtown slc
partying with aunt missy
a week of 'relaxation' with the families in IF
my first (and last) true black friday experience
putting up my christmas tree
buying jesse's christmas present, firmly denying him access until dec. 25
chopping off my hair--all of it
setting up jesse's christmas present dec. 4 (way to stick to your guns, becca)
eagerly awaiting the impending arrival of yet another sweet nephew from my sister/bff

i love these days when i can honestly step back and realize how wonderful life is.

on top of all of this, we are in the middle of the season dedicated to goodwill and peace on earth. as strangers get just a little bit nicer (unless they are shoppers at a NY walmart) to each other and searching to find ways to help those in need, my heart is brightened.

so, if you are reading, feel free to belt out your own rendition of this tune:

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE,
WITHOUT ANY FEAR!

on my second wedding anniversary

two years ago i was wed to monsieur jones. we were sealed in the idaho falls temple for time and all eternity. i knew i had taken on a huge commitment at a very young age. i knew that i still had a lot of things i wanted to accomplish in my life.

getting married in eastern idaho in mid-november does not guarantee great wedding day weather (although there was no ironic rain). it was cold. the plants were all dead. the gardens at the temple were nothing but dirt. the trees had lost most of their leaves. my wedding cake looked like it belonged at a twelve-year-old's birthday party. my brother cameron couldn't be there. a lot of wonderful, influential friends weren't able to make it.


i hardly noticed. it was the happiest day of my life.

i was young (at least two years younger than now), bright-eyed, and wildly in love. and that is what i remember most. everything that day was about love.

my mom made me taquitos for our luncheon (i love you). my dad stayed up past 9:30 and went twenty minutes past his perfectly planned schedule (i love you). my sister jil posed in pictures even though she was eight months pregnant (i love you). my sweet bridesmaids spent the entire day at our disposal (i love you). my in-laws mingled with davises all day long (i love you). my cousin ern became our bar tender at the last minute so i could have my cherry diet coke (i love you). and so many people went out of their way to let us know how excited they were for us (i love you).

and wouldn't it be wonderful if i could always carry that feeling with me in our marriage? i thnk it does. after two years, this is how it goes.

he harasses me for taking too long to blog (i love you). i mess up the dinner i spent all night making (i love you). he reminds me to say please and thank you (i love you). i spend 12 hours away from home between work and my commute (i love you). he digs his bony legs into me on the couch (i love you). i repeatedly hit snooze on my alarm for almost an hour every morning, waking him (i love you). i get cranky and say things i don't mean to say (i love you). he looks past it (i love you). he stays up all night studying for tests and still makes time to go home teaching (i love you). we slowly build a life together, dream together, and hope for the best (i love you)

and so it goes. but i fear that we get so caught up in the events that we occasionally forget the guiding force behind them. in case all of those terms of affection get lost in our daily interactions, let's have it out here.

jesse, i love you. i am so glad you are my best friend. happy anniversary.

speech! speech! speech!

does this blog feel more official?
does it sound like it is coming from a productive member of society?
because it is.

i got a job. and i am thrilled. and it is BY FAR the best job i applied for.

in two weeks, i will begin working as a writer/tours administrator for the idaho national lab (inl). this job is fabulous for a few reasons:

they actually LIKE that i have a master's in english (who knew?)
the interview itself was so relaxed, fun, and interesting
it is in idaho falls, so i will be able to go to target on a regular basis after work
the health insurance is AWESOME
i get every other friday off
it pays significantly more than any other job i applied for.

so, thank you to everyone who said a little prayer for me or kept me in their thoughts. i have no doubt that those efforts helped so very, very much. today i have learned--yet again--that i am pretty willing to take whatever comes my way first, but that if i am patient and let the Lord help me make these decisions that he always comes up with a much better plan.

and that's today's thought. holla.

the white coats are coming! the white coats are coming!

excuse the lame title. i am feeling a bit tapped out, creatively speaking.

last night we had jesse's white coat ceremony. basically, this means that he now gets a white coat, and he is officially a pharmacy student. it was so nice to see him recognized for his hard work getting into pharmacy school. plus, he looks really cute in his white coat.

here he is being robed in the white coat of the pharmacy world...

signing the pharmacists' code of ethics...

forced group shot of the class of 2012...
prom photo with the wifey...
and finally, with the proud parents.

congrats, honey! you are the handsomest future pharmacist i know.

fyi

dinner + husband + movie by self + feigned essay grading = perfect friday evening

well, for this week at least.

speaking of heath...

i think he is hilarious. at three years of age, he has some much better lines and moves than i do. for proof that my nephew is much funnier than yours (no offense to all the potentially wonderful nephews i may have just demoted), here is a video of him playing guitar hero a few weeks ago. my brother-in-law took the liberty to dub the audio for the song that heath was playing, but i recommend watching at least the first thirteen seconds. they are the best.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

the leaves are changing color and falling
squirrels scurry through the trees and streets searching for nuts
children are eagerly anticipating halloween
the air feels like the inside of a crisp apple

'tis true, fall has arrived

like so many, i eagerly anticipate the first leaves falling to the ground

the first day of sweater weather
the first day of sweater + scarf weather
the first day of sweater + scarf + boots weather

most importantly, i anticipate the beginning of mcdonalds monopoly season like a child anticipating their first bite into the bobbing apple

friends and family, please partake of the joy of the season



(and should anyone get the kentucky avenue piece, let's work something out)